Movies on Film

By: Joshua “You think you are safe. You are not.” Richey

J.J. Abrams second endeavor into the Star Trek franchise doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel. It delivers a lot of what made the 2009 reboot as successful as it was only it’s bigger, faster and more action packed while also building off the fantastic relationships between this wonderful cast. Having the origin story out of the way allows Star Trek Into Darkness to go into warp from the very get go — and it does. It’s a ton of fun and is a prime example of what a summer blockbuster should be. Not even seeing Damon Lindelof’s name multiple times in the credits can stop Star Trek Into Darkness from being as good — if not better — than the film that we all fell in love with four years ago.

We give Star Trek Into Darkness 4 sets of unnecessary space boobs out of 5.

By: Joshua “Dads leave. No need to be such a pussy about it.” Richey

Of the Marvel films that led up to last summer’s box office smash, The Avengers — Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America — it’s widely accepted by most that Iron Man 2 was the weakest of the bunch. Now, thanks to Iron Man 3, it no longer carries that burden. Now for those of you that love the Iron Man movies for Robert Downey Jr.’s sarcastic and witty take on the Tony Stark character, you’re not going to be disappointed in that respect. When it comes to humor, Iron Man 3 is by far the funniest Marvel movie to date. But, unfortunately, there isn’t much more to it than that. The story isn’t great, the plot holes are large, there’s far too much Gwyneth Paltrow and the last 45 minutes feel like nothing more than a really long toy commercial.

We give Iron Man 3 three pissed off Gwyneth Paltrow’s out of 5.

The Amazing Spiderman
 …more like The Amazingly Mediocre Spiderman, amirite? Seriously though, after you finish watching The Amazing Spiderman, it’s hard to say anything other than “Well, that sure was a Spiderman movie.” As unfair as it is to criticize the film itself for being remade too soon, it’s nearly impossible to watch and not be bored for the first hour. Everyone knows the story of how Peter Parker becomes Spiderman. Everyone. To retell that story was a definite mistake. You spend the first hour waiting for him to finally turn into Spiderman, and once he does there’s very little difference between this Spiderman and the one that we all seen less than 10 years ago. While I did happen to enjoy Andrew Garfield’s Spiderman (Not as big of a fan of his Peter Parker, however) and Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacey, the film is little more than a two hour shrug.

We give it 3 “Oh, it’s a room filled with radioactive spiders and he’s the first one to ever be bitten? Bullshit” plot holes out of 5.

Ted
Simply put, if you watch the red-band trailer of Seth MacFarlane’s Ted and laugh – Oh, you’ve not seen the red-band trailer for Seth MacFarlane’s Ted? Click here and watch it real quick. No, go ahead. We’ll wait. Back? Good. – you’re going to enjoy the full length film. It’s a very predictable story and parts of it will drag, but there’s just something very charming about watching a teddy bear make dick jokes.

We give it 4 heads of Sam Jones’ beautiful and full hair out of 5.

Moonrise Kingdom
If you’re not a fan of Wes Anderson’s style, you’re not going to enjoy Moonrise Kingdom. This movie is Wes Anderson as fuck. It may even be his best work yet. I had originally planned on writing a long detailed review of this film, but everything that I wrote didn’t seem to do justice to this movie’s brilliance. It’s been a year filled with great movies, but none of them have been as great as Moonrise Kingdom. See it.

We give it 5 uncomfortable borderline child porn scene’s out of 5.

By: Joshua “Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later” Richey

As the credits began to roll and the lights slowly flickered on, I sat in my seat at the local Rave Cinemas, my feet sticking to the floor, my butt numb from hours of sitting in uncomfortable, squeaky chairs, and I just couldn’t shake the initial disappointment that I had for Christopher Nolan’s final entry into his Batman trilogy. My body had been ready for the follow up to The Dark Knight since seeing it the first of many times back in the summer of 2008. I was so excited for this movie that I went nearly two years without as much as reading a single spoiler. So excited for this movie that I went to a 9-hour Christopher Nolan Batman marathon before it’s official midnight release. Yet no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I can’t help but to feel that The Dark Knight Rises is nothing more than a three-hour shrug, and an unfortunate ending to an otherwise brilliant trilogy.

I won’t dare go as far as to say that it’s a bad movie. That’s not the case. By comic book standards, The Dark Knight Rises is passable. It’s a fine comic book movie. But the thing about what Christopher Nolan has done with these Batman films is that he’s proven that comic book adaptions can surpass their subgenre. While Batman Begins is a film that has its flaws, The Dark Knight is considered one of the greatest films of the 21^st Century. Not just one of the best comic book movies, one of the best films, period.  With The Dark Knight, David Goyer and the Nolan Brothers were able to create a multi-layered story that you just don’t see with that kind of film. It was dark, it was intense, there was tragedy, and it was a clinic on how to successfully develop a character over the course of three acts. It reminded me a lot of a Michael Mann’s 1995 classic, Heat…but with Batman characters.

You might say that it’s unfair to expect The Dark Knight Rises to do the same, but, in my case, I couldn’t help it. If you go to a restaurant and have the greatest T-bone steak that you’ve had in your life, the next time you go back to that restaurant are you going to be pleased with anything less? Not only does The Dark Knight Rises fail to meet the high standards that you’re going to naturally expect it to have, it never even comes close. It’s a film with an abundance of issues, that becomes crowded with characters, and it’s a film that tries so hard to become epic that, in the end, it’s everything but.

Pros

• Despite some fear that Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman would make things too campy, Hathaway ends up being one of the bright spots.
• Michael Caine’s Alfred is superb. I only wish he were in it more.
• It may take three hours to get to it, but the final 10 minutes of The Dark Knight Rises are very exciting.

Cons

• Tom Hardy’s Bane is hard to understand and never meets the menacing levels of previous Batman villains.
• For a three hour movie, TDKR jumps around very quickly in the first half of the film.
• Ben Rothlisberger AND Hines Ward? Ugh. Seriously? Why?

By: T.J. “we made you ‘cause we could” Mulligan

When I was young I had a strong aversion to horror films.  In fact, I distinctly remember bursting into hysterical tears at the sight of Chucky when a commercial for Child’s Play 2 aired one night.  I would watch them on occasion with my parents or sister but usually covered my eyes for roughly half the movie.  One such movie I partially watched often in those days was 1979’s Alien.  Back then the sight of the xenomorph and its attack of the crew of the Nostromo were some of the most frightening visuals I had ever witnessed.  As I grew older I began to appreciate and learned to love (good) horror films.  The more I watched, the less scary other ones became.  Then, in 2003, Alien was re-released in theaters.  I hadn’t watched it since my youth and because of that an interesting thing happened: I found all new reasons to be freaked out by the movie.  Sure, the jump cuts and look of the xenomorph are still enough to shock, but it was the ambiance, the images left unseen and the build of the suspense that made me realize how deeply cerebral the horror in that film was and is.  When I first heard of Prometheus it never really registered on my radar… until I heard rumblings of its connection to the Alien series.  With Ridley Scott, the original Alien director, at the helm of this new project I began to salivate at the thought of witnessing another dark trek through the vastness of space.

Prometheus tells the story of doctors Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green), archaeologists who have discovered cave drawings from across the planet Earth.  These drawings depict similar scenes of giant human-like figures pointing to the similar-looking star clusters, despite the separation of space, time and peoples who created these markings.  Taking these drawings as an invitation, the doctors travel as part of the crew of the spacecraft Prometheus, funded by the Weyland Corporation.  After being awakened from stasis by the ship’s android David (Michael Fassbender), they touch down near a temple-like structure on the moon LV-233 and search for signs of the ancient beings depicted in the drawings, known by them as Engineers.  While the doctors are there to search for answers pertaining to the meaning of human existence, a portion of the crew, namely mission director Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron), seem to have alterior motives for traveling into the recesses of space.

Naturally, I went into this film expecting the thrills I got from seeing Alien in theaters and hopefully a further exploration of the story leading up to it.  That is not what you get from Prometheus.  From a story standpoint, Prometheus is obviously meant to stand on its own two legs.  There are apparent elements that nod to the original Alien (the space jockey/engineer, alien creatures, the Weyland Corporation, etc.) but familiarity with that film will only slightly help you better understand what’s going on here.  This film leaves the audience asking more questions than it answers, a deal-breakingly frustrating fact for some fans, no doubt, but a good choice in attempting to establish a new series of movies that take place in the Alien universe.  Besides, who just wants to see another Alien sequel/prequel/remake?

Regarding the thriller aspect, this film can’t hold a candle to the creeping, predator/prey feel of Alien.  It’s thrilling, for sure, but this film doesn’t seep into the audience’s mind the way a movie over 30 years its senior still can.  Immediately after viewing Prometheus I described it to those who asked as less “scary” and more “intense”, an adjective I stand by.

Other noteworthy aspects of this film include the acting, which was good across the board (with the exception of Fassbender, who continues to astound me with his memorable performances), the special effects, which were equal parts disturbing and beautiful (I saw the 2D version but have heard nothing but praise for the 3D version), and Guy Pearce’s old man makeup for his portrayal of the aged Weyland Corp CEO Peter Weyland, which was absolutely horrendous.

Prometheus could seem like a bit of a let down if you want more details on the the Alien aspect of the story, but if you put that aside it’s just a damn fine sci-fi/horror film that’s trying to develop it’s own mythos.

I give Prometheus 4 pasty white sacrificial shot-taking Engineers out of 5.