There are those that say that the character of Superman is beyond relevancy. It’s hard to argue with them. Besides Superman: The Animated Series, the last 20 years haven’t been kind to the last son of Krypton. There was that failed Tim Burton reboot that had Nicolas Cage playing Supes; there was the disasterpiece that was Superman 64 — a video game so bad that it’s still talked about today — and there were other failed reboot attempts by JJ Abrams and McG before the eventual letdown that was Bryan Singer’s ‘Superman Returns.’ In the end, Superman’s greatest weakness wasn’t kryptonite, it was the decision making of the executives at Warner Bros. Their mishandling and half-assed efforts led to Superman, the most popular superhero of all-time, becoming an afterthought in a time when superheroes have never been more popular.
But if anyone could lead Superman back to his cinematic glory days, you would have to imagine that a team led by Christopher Nolan, Zack Snyder and David Goyer would be that team, right?
By: Joshua “You think you are safe. You are not.” Richey
J.J. Abrams second endeavor into the Star Trek franchise doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel. It delivers a lot of what made the 2009 reboot as successful as it was only it’s bigger, faster and more action packed while also building off the fantastic relationships between this wonderful cast. Having the origin story out of the way allows Star Trek Into Darkness to go into warp from the very get go — and it does. It’s a ton of fun and is a prime example of what a summer blockbuster should be. Not even seeing Damon Lindelof’s name multiple times in the credits can stop Star Trek Into Darkness from being as good — if not better — than the film that we all fell in love with four years ago.
We give Star Trek Into Darkness 4 sets of unnecessary space boobs out of 5.
By: Joshua “Dads leave. No need to be such a pussy about it.” Richey
Of the Marvel films that led up to last summer’s box office smash, The Avengers — Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America — it’s widely accepted by most that Iron Man 2 was the weakest of the bunch. Now, thanks to Iron Man 3, it no longer carries that burden. Now for those of you that love the Iron Man movies for Robert Downey Jr.’s sarcastic and witty take on the Tony Stark character, you’re not going to be disappointed in that respect. When it comes to humor, Iron Man 3 is by far the funniest Marvel movie to date. But, unfortunately, there isn’t much more to it than that. The story isn’t great, the plot holes are large, there’s far too much Gwyneth Paltrow and the last 45 minutes feel like nothing more than a really long toy commercial.
We give Iron Man 3 three pissed off Gwyneth Paltrow’s out of 5.
The Amazing Spiderman
…more like The Amazingly Mediocre Spiderman, amirite? Seriously though, after you finish watching The Amazing Spiderman, it’s hard to say anything other than “Well, that sure was a Spiderman movie.” As unfair as it is to criticize the film itself for being remade too soon, it’s nearly impossible to watch and not be bored for the first hour. Everyone knows the story of how Peter Parker becomes Spiderman. Everyone. To retell that story was a definite mistake. You spend the first hour waiting for him to finally turn into Spiderman, and once he does there’s very little difference between this Spiderman and the one that we all seen less than 10 years ago. While I did happen to enjoy Andrew Garfield’s Spiderman (Not as big of a fan of his Peter Parker, however) and Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacey, the film is little more than a two hour shrug.
We give it 3 “Oh, it’s a room filled with radioactive spiders and he’s the first one to ever be bitten? Bullshit” plot holes out of 5.
Simply put, if you watch the red-band trailer of Seth MacFarlane’s Ted and laugh – Oh, you’ve not seen the red-band trailer for Seth MacFarlane’s Ted? Click here and watch it real quick. No, go ahead. We’ll wait. Back? Good. – you’re going to enjoy the full length film. It’s a very predictable story and parts of it will drag, but there’s just something very charming about watching a teddy bear make dick jokes.
We give it 4 heads of Sam Jones’ beautiful and full hair out of 5.
If you’re not a fan of Wes Anderson’s style, you’re not going to enjoy Moonrise Kingdom. This movie is Wes Anderson as fuck. It may even be his best work yet. I had originally planned on writing a long detailed review of this film, but everything that I wrote didn’t seem to do justice to this movie’s brilliance. It’s been a year filled with great movies, but none of them have been as great as Moonrise Kingdom. See it.
We give it 5 uncomfortable borderline child porn scene’s out of 5.
By: Joshua “Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later” Richey
As the credits began to roll and the lights slowly flickered on, I sat in my seat at the local Rave Cinemas, my feet sticking to the floor, my butt numb from hours of sitting in uncomfortable, squeaky chairs, and I just couldn’t shake the initial disappointment that I had for Christopher Nolan’s final entry into his Batman trilogy. My body had been ready for the follow up to The Dark Knight since seeing it the first of many times back in the summer of 2008. I was so excited for this movie that I went nearly two years without as much as reading a single spoiler. So excited for this movie that I went to a 9-hour Christopher Nolan Batman marathon before it’s official midnight release. Yet no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I can’t help but to feel that The Dark Knight Rises is nothing more than a three-hour shrug, and an unfortunate ending to an otherwise brilliant trilogy.
I won’t dare go as far as to say that it’s a bad movie. That’s not the case. By comic book standards, The Dark Knight Rises is passable. It’s a fine comic book movie. But the thing about what Christopher Nolan has done with these Batman films is that he’s proven that comic book adaptions can surpass their subgenre. While Batman Begins is a film that has its flaws, The Dark Knight is considered one of the greatest films of the 21st Century. Not just one of the best comic book movies, one of the best films, period. With The Dark Knight, David Goyer and the Nolan Brothers were able to create a multi-layered story that you just don’t see with that kind of film. It was dark, it was intense, there was tragedy, and it was a clinic on how to successfully develop a character over the course of three acts. It reminded me a lot of a Michael Mann’s 1995 classic, Heat…but with Batman characters.
You might say that it’s unfair to expect The Dark Knight Rises to do the same, but, in my case, I couldn’t help it. If you go to a restaurant and have the greatest T-bone steak that you’ve had in your life, the next time you go back to that restaurant are you going to be pleased with anything less? Not only does The Dark Knight Rises fail to meet the high standards that you’re going to naturally expect it to have, it never even comes close. It’s a film with an abundance of issues, that becomes crowded with characters, and it’s a film that tries so hard to become epic that, in the end, it’s everything but.
- Despite some fear that Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman would make things too campy, Hathaway ends up being one of the bright spots.
- Michael Caine’s Alfred is superb. I only wish he were in it more.
- It may take three hours to get to it, but the final 10 minutes of The Dark Knight Rises are very exciting.
- Tom Hardy’s Bane is hard to understand and never meets the menacing levels of previous Batman villains.
- For a three hour movie, TDKR jumps around very quickly in the first half of the film.
- Ben Rothlisberger AND Hines Ward? Ugh. Seriously? Why?
Not enjoying The Dark Knight Rises has got to be the biggest bummer in my movie-going life. I didn’t even think about the possibility of not liking it. I just assumed, “Hey, it’s a Christopher Nolan Batman film…of course it’s going to be epic.” Sadly it’s not. The Dark Knight Rises gets 3 cute lil chalk bats out of 5.